


Secret Words, Secret Steps

by Catclaw



Series: Dirty Little Secret [2]
Category: Good Charlotte
Genre: M/M, RPF, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-02
Updated: 2006-08-02
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catclaw/pseuds/Catclaw
Summary: Based on the 'secrets' in the All American Reject's video for Dirty Little Secrets.This secret: I'm afraid to take the next step.Can be (and in fact should be) read as a stand alone.





	

It’s funny, cos, you know I’d never imagined I coming down to this. I’ve always considered myself an easy going kind of guy. But when she asked me to commit to her, I just couldn’t do it. And when I searched my soul for the reason why, I realised it wasn’t because I didn’t believe that a relationship in the public gaze wouldn’t work, wouldn’t last, or the fact that I was over half her age. But because I loved another.

I’ve been happy with my life thus far, all aspects of it, including my sexuality. So I had no problem with the fact that the person I loved and desired to spend the rest of my life with was male. And I knew for a fact that he too played for both teams, so it wasn’t that that was holding me back either.

The truth is that I’m afraid to take the next step because I’m afraid of seeing disgust in his eyes, rejection. Because I’m afraid that it will destroy our entire relationship, he’s always been the closest one to me. Because he’s my brother.

There is a part of me that does acknowledge that this love is wrong. That I’m sick for wanting Benji so much. But at the same time that part knows, or rather believes, that we don’t get to choose who we fall in love with, that it just happens. After all, why would anyone choose a love that could destroy so much and cause so much pain.

And then there’s the part of me that cries out for Benji’s touch, his love, the part that wants and needs and screams in agony when it sees Benji with someone else. The part that refuses to be silenced.

So now, I’m trapped here in indecision. And as much as I want it, I fear it. My dirty little secret? Besides from being in love with my twin, is that I’m afraid to take the next step.

Blinking back tears and wondering why he was close to crying, Benji closed Joel’s diary. He’d always read the thing, right from when Joel had begun keeping one. He’d always assumed his brother knew that he did, but apparently not.

Sighing softly, he slid into bed, next to his brother’s sleeping form. As he kissed him on the forehead, Benji vowed that, in the morning, he would show Joel just how much he loved him.


End file.
